why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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