What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
