I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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