there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
