So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
