i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
