If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I want is dick and wine.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
