1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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