Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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