I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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