am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
