I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
