please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize