On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
