I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I smell like Dick and happiness
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