hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
