Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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