hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
