I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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