Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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