You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
