so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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