My hand turned me down
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
