Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You are a genius and a whore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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