haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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