A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
