She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
