If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
