im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
