sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
