dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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