why didn't you poke me back
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
