I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
