Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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