dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
