He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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