I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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