After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
