if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My hand turned me down
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
