i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
