I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
