Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
