I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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