Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize