I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
