dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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