new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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