This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
