wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
