Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
