I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
