I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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