The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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