Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
