Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
