i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
