Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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