If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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