I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
