we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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