first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
