watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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