she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
