i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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