you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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