i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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