i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i don't like sucking hair
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
