using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize