Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
