your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
