My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
