Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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