Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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