Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
