god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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